


Loss

by GrieverBitMyFinger



Series: Kuroshitsuji Drabbles [9]
Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Break Up, Broken Promises, Depressed Sebastian, Depression, Emotional Hurt, Heartache, Human Sebastian Michaelis, Hurt No Comfort, Just Sebastian's thoughts, Kinda, Loss of Trust, Lost Love, M/M, Mental Anguish, Mentions of Sebaciel, No Ciel in this one, No Dialogue, No Romance, No Smut, Out of Character, Sad, Sad Ending, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-02
Updated: 2017-12-02
Packaged: 2019-02-09 12:48:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12888198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GrieverBitMyFinger/pseuds/GrieverBitMyFinger
Summary: 'I should've known that falling for you would only cause me pain.'





	Loss

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first time I've ever written without dialogue, and for anyone still waiting on an update for one of my other series, I promise I'll update as soon as possible. My girlfriend left me a few weeks ago and it's been really hard to do much, so I wrote this to help vent and hopefully feel better so I can get back to normal writing soon. (I feel bad for doing this to poor Sebby)

Your words were left unspoken as the door behind you shut, your belongings in a box, cradled carelessly in your arms. 

The living room was silent as I stood in shock, knowing it would happen, but wishing it would have been put off.

I had been kind and understanding, healed your wounds and soothed your pain, left my heart open to you after you had torn down my walls with your quiet whispers, swearing you'd never betray me, that you said from the start. 

Everything had been normal, everything had been fine, I thought it was a nightmare, until I woke up alone that night.

"I'll always remember you," are the truthful words I spoke, despite the dread and sorrow filling me to the brim. 

It was true that I will never forget him, but I desperately wish I could. 

I wish I could erase the memories I have of his fingers trailing over my bare skin. 

How happy I felt when your lips would press against mine, whether passionately as we made love, or gentle and caring as we laid on our couch with the tv playing quietly in the background.

I should've known that falling for you would only cause me pain.

I wish I could forget the sweet words you spoke and all the laughs we shared, the baking lessons and the late night conversations while we dozed off in our bed. 

I wish I didn't remember how you would rest your head on my chest as I combed my hand through your hair and the promises we made and the vows I knew would inevitably break.

I resent the memories I used to treasure so deeply, from our day at the fair to the Christmas parties at our friend's houses. 

All the times we called in sick just to spend more time in each other's arms, all the days we would go grocery shopping and then come home to have a movie marathon. 

Those days we would dare each other to eat the strangest foods, or walk in the park with ice cream, or play in the snow.

I wish I could forget the time we danced under the moonlight on the beach and the time we snogged on the rollercoaster. 

I wish I didn't remember our couple's Halloween costumes or decorating your flat for Christmas. 

What I would give to forget the horrible way you wrapped gifts or the smile on your face when you spilled the flour on the counter. 

I hate the thoughts of our Valentine's Days, the heart shaped truffles you pressed against my lips and the roses you trimmed to place in my hair. 

The restaurant I carried you to and the leather-bound bracelet I made you, the love-filled kisses we shared and the feel of our bodies intertwined, your arms around my waist and your body resting next to mine.

Our quiet whispers of adoration, things we would be embarrassed to say in the daylight hours.

I despise the phantom touch of your hand in mine, swinging between us as we walked in the sun.

I equally dislike the coffee dates and candlelit dinners.

I can't stand the way your mismatched eyes used to stare into mine, your nose pressed against mine, and your lips curled into a soft smile. 

The way your short, slate hair used to catch in the wind, small pieces flowing like silk in the breeze of late Spring. 

I don't like remembering how delicate your skin felt or the noble-sounding accent in which you spoke. 

I dread thinking of the words you once spoke to me, promises you'll never leave, how deep your love was for me. 

Your happy look when you brushed your small hand through my raven hair, or the looks you gaze when you looked into my crimson-looking eyes.

I regret the day we met, the sarcastic wit we shared that led to our first date, our love confessions, and all of this despair.

You broke me beyond repair, and despite the tears I shed nightly, my laments, and false claims; the memories I hate are only bitter because they're all that I have left of you, unable to escape my mind because of the weight they carry.

I resent them all because I miss you so. 

Not because you're in them, but because you're not here.

I know you won't return and I'm sure you've forgotten me by now. 

I still weep for the love you chose to let die, the scars I carry do not fade with time. 

You shattered my heart and my trust along with it, you've torn me apart from all I cared for.

My body is numb, but the pain I'm feeling won't abate, my sleeves are ripped and my pillow turned grey, I barely leave the bed these days. 

The scent of you hardly remains on pillow you once used, though it's unshapely now from it's constant place in my arms.

I haven't seen my friends in weeks, they ask how I'm doing and I can't keep hiding this. I need to be strong, it's time to move on. 

I know you don't love me and I've already come to terms with that, but just because your love didn't hold for me, doesn't mean mine won't forever stay with you.

It doesn't matter how much I miss your smile or your arms around me, the way you taste, the way you smell, or the way you loved to tease me for my obsession with peanut butter candies. 

It doesn't how empty I feel without you. 

It doesn't matter if I still have dreams of you or nightmares of that day.

I'm without a doubt that when I die, the last traces of our love will die with me.

It doesn't matter what I do or what I think, if I live or if I die. 

I'm nothing to you, 'only a stranger' you would think if you were to walk by my side. 

I'm not who you knew, you took who I was when you left. 

Your thoughts of me are non-existent, and my will to live is slowly dwindling. 

For a while I wished to see you again, but now I've lost hope that you would ever purposely talk to me again. 

So my wish has changed, I hope I never see your face again or you walking near me. 

The ache won't leave my bleeding heart, and if I saw you again, I would surely fall apart.


End file.
